Wednesday, October 17, 2012

- true to yourself -

You know the old saying "Fake It Till You Make It"?

I always hated that catchphrase.

It encourages deception and acting, and worst of all, it works.

For the uncurious and the attention-deficient, the link talks about how you can change who you are by changing your body postures. If you take up space, if you open up your body, if you go into what she calls "high-power poses" - your bravery goes up and your stress levels goes down.

If your normally fearful and stressed, you adopt "lower-power poses" which leads to more fear and stress. And it becomes a vicious cycle.

So the idea is fake "high-power poses" in order to feel more confident and calm.

The talk addresses the lack of authenticity by saying you don't "fake it till you make it"; you "fake it till you become it". Through these changes to body posture, you come out as a different person.

But that still isn't good enough.

In terms of changing who we are, I prefer to go the route outlined by this ex-smoker.

The key point in that post:

You need to change your mind-set. You must change from being a smoker who is trying to quit to being a non-smoker. This is fundamental...

Previously, when I tried to quit, I marked the date in my diary and counted the days. The downside to this is that it's like holding your breath underwater - you know that at some stage you will come up for air. Furthermore, when you do eventually succumb and have a cigarette, you will feel like you have failed and will be disheartened when you have to reset the counter.

You need to accept that you will be tempted from time to time to have a cigarette and there will be times when your resolution will be weak (late at night, after a few drinks), so it's eminently possible that you will have a smoke or two or more. It does not amount to falling off the wagon or a reversion to the habit. You need to consider it as an aberration and no different to any other non-smoker who has a cigarette. It happens, move on.

This isn't a matter of faking it till you make it or faking it till you become it. This is simply being it. Being it until your behaviours line up to what you already are.

The difference may be a technicality to most people, but it's fundamental for me.

Now to make up a catchphrase.

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